- "There will be two dates on our tombstonebut all that is gonna matter is that little dash between them." Enjoy life...
- How to Luv...For Guys. Luv your girl as if shes only 16 no longer a girl but not yet a woman. Luv her with ol your heart. Set Rulz and never break her heart..For Girls.. Luv your boy as if hes only 7. Let HJim play with his toys and go out with his playmates, dont worry for at the end of the day he'll still come home to his mommy"..
- If your heart gets broken its not a sin to cry, its not a crime to mourn, But its not right to ruin your own life, cuz in luv You shpould know when to move on.
- What's Common between the sun and a panty?, 1. both are hot. 2. both look better while going down. 3. both disappear by night....wahahhaha
- d erecterius trouserious orthe trouser snake is the worlds most dangerous snake. color varies from pink to black. It is fangless, Its highly venomous spit can cause prolonged swelling lasting 9 months. Average length is 3 to 9 inches usually depending on species. Usually appears on bedrooms but found in unusual places at times. Attacks women in the lower part of the abdominal area. it has also known to attack men from behind...BEWARE!
- "Its Funny How sometimes youve been doing everything to get out of one place and when you've found the time to leave.....Its when you've also find a reason to stay.."
- "Before Speaking, Listen, Before Spending, Earn, Before critcizing, wait, Before Quitting. Try Never Forget..Before Making love, foreplay..SAY WHAT?"...
- "Other People's opinion of you does not have to become your reality..Those who folow the crowd usually get lost in it..I dont know the key to success, but one key to failure is to please everyone! so why waste your time thinking about what others will tell you, Instead do what makes you happy"
- "One of the biggest forms of flattery is knowing that just by being your normal wonderful self you make some people extremely insecure...WAHAHAHAHA"
- Pasaway na lyrics: "I decided long ago? never to walk with Edu Manzano?"
- Seksing girl naglalakad sa Glorietta, nakalabas ang isang suso..
Napansin ng isang lalaki. "Miss, yung dede mo nakalabas."
Seksi: "P**i**a! Yung baby ko, naiwan sa taxi!"
- Students talking:
DLSU: Your tuition, it is just my allowance for a week
Ateneo: Your tuition, it is just my allowance for a day.
UP: Pootek! Finals nyo, seatwork lang namin!
- "Sometimmes, you have to run away..not just to create distance...but to see who cares enough to run behind and pull you back..."
- "When your out there looking for that perfect person, keep in mind: people change no matter how hard they try not to. As you grow older, you mature, and with each new level of maturity comes different ideas, different needs and wants. The person who was perfect for you at for you at 20's could be the person who hate you at 30's. You have to find someone who will grow with you change with you, laugh with you, and cry with you. Remember that there is no such perfect person in this world. But there will always be a someone who will complete you. ..."
- Pedro: Miss, pabili nga ng ballpen.
Miss: Sorry po. Wala po kaming ballpen.
Inis na lumabas ng tindahan si Pedro.
Pedro: Susme! PENshoppe, walang ballpen?
Walang kwentang tindahan yan!
- Ina: Anak! Dumudugo daliri mo! Akin na't sisipsipin ko.
Dali! Tsup, tsup, tsup! Ayan, wala na! Bakit ka ba nagkasugat?
Anak: Wala po ako sugat. Pinatay ko lang po ang mga garapata ni Brownie.
- "Pare, nagaway kami ng GF ko."
"Bakit naman?"
"She asked for a gift, sabi nya kahit ano basta may diamond."
"Ayun naman pala e. Ano binigay mo?"
"Baraha!"
- Guy1: Pare, gusto kong magpalit ng pangalan.
Guy2: Bakit ano ba ang name mo?
Guy1: Bartolome Putingtae
Guy2: Pangit nga! Ano naman gusto mo ipalit?
Guy1: Bartholomew Putingtae
- Mr. Malimali, nanliligaw.
"Fresh flowers for you, galing banyo.. este Baguio! Amuyin mo, amoy panty? Este Pine Tree!"
- A naked girl rode on a taxi.
"Bakit," the girl asked the driver na nakatitig sa hubad nyang katawan.
"Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita ng hubad at maalindog na katawan?"
Driver: Hindi, miss. Iniisip ko lang kung saan nakatago ang pamasahe mo.
- Misis: Sir, pwede ba ako manawagan sa istasyon nyo.
Lumayas kasi ang Mister ko, dala ang limang anak ko.
DJ: Sige po, misis.
Misis: Hoy! Tanga! Isa lang dyan ang anak mo. Ibalik mo yung apat!
- Dumadaan ang isang pangit na babae sa grupo ng mga umiinom.
Tinukso ng isang lasing yung girl, "Panget!"
Gumanti yung girl, "Lasenggo!"
Sabi ng lasenggo, "Bukas, hindi na ako lasing. Eh, ikaw?"
- Two students were caught naked and having sex in the classroom by the security guard.
Security Guard: Aha! Violating a school policy!
Male Student: Which policy?
Security Guard: Not wearing uniform.
- Dalawang baliw sa mental.
Baliw1: Pare, tatakas tayo.
Baliw2: Paano?
Baliw1: Aakyat tayo sa bakod. Tapos, tatalon tayo palabas!
Sumilip si Baliw2 sa bintana.
Baliw2: Pare, malas. Hindi tayo makakatakas.
Baliw1: Bakit?
Baliw2: Walang bakod.
- Local beauty pageant.
MC: What can you say about the violence happening in our country today?
Candidate: Koya naman. Getara nga di aku maronong. Bayolens pa?
- Letter to an OFW:
Thank you sa padala mo. Happy si Nene kasi baon nya sa school yung Tobleron. Yung Nike, suot na ni Junior. Pero next time, wag ka na magpadala ng Nivea Milk. Hindi nila type, mapait daw. Ako tuloy ang umubos.